Parents Can Help Children See Marriage and Family as Worthwhile Goals

Parents who hope to become grandparents should present marriage and parenthood as meaningful parts of adult life long before their children begin dating, Katy Faust argues. Faust, founder and president of Them Before Us, writes that many young adults are encouraged to complete college, establish careers, pay down debt, travel and buy homes before considering a spouse or children. By treating family formation as a distant final step, she says, parents may unintentionally discourage or delay it.

Faust points to Pew Research Center's 2023 "Parenting in America Today" survey. Roughly nine in ten parents said it was extremely or very important that their children become financially independent and pursue careers they enjoy. Forty-one percent placed that level of importance on earning a college degree. By comparison, 21 percent said eventual marriage was extremely or very important, while 20 percent said the same about becoming parents. Faust interprets that gap as evidence that families often communicate their priorities even without explicitly advising children against marriage or parenthood.

Her proposed approach begins with the example parents set at home. Faust recalls modest family activities with her husband and four children, including card games, walks for treats, homemade meals and time together. She believes those experiences showed her children that family life could be joyful even without expensive entertainment. As the children grew older, the couple also encouraged them to evaluate potential spouses for character, shared convictions and dependability. Faust says college can be both career preparation and an opportunity to meet a future spouse, particularly in a community where students share important beliefs.

Faust also urges parents to speak honestly with daughters and sons about fertility and the practical consequences of delaying children. Her 23-year-old married daughter hopes for five or six children, while her 18-year-old son has said he selected a college partly because he hopes to find a wife. Another teenage son speaks of having children as part of his expected future. Faust does not attribute those outlooks to pressure applied in adulthood. Instead, she credits years of enjoying family life, discussing dating with purpose and teaching that marriage can be a foundation on which a couple builds a life together.

Editorial note: FMN prepared this summary from The Federalist's August 14, 2026 report and independently structured it for readers.